Moment in Time
by SiddaD
Summary: Martouf's thoughts at the end of Divide & Conquer


Title: Moment in Time

Author: mysticmoon

Spoilers: It's an episode addition to Divide & Conquer.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and am making no money from writing their lines.

MOMENT IN TIME

The sands of time flow through the hourglass, grain by grain... moment by moment... until that one moment that stops. When the grain rests against the smooth curve of the glass, 

...just waiting, 

...frozen in time. 

This was one of those moments.

*******

One shot, one instance... The electricity crackled from the zat, cutting through the air, resounding in an audible jolt as it hit his body. The body with two minds fighting against a common enemy. The body that loved, grieved, hoped, breathed, wished. The body that was now willing to self-destruct...

His mind continued to fight, no thought given to what was happening outside itself. The soul shared between a human and the creature that used his body as a shelter. The creature that was now destroying him. He pushed as hard as he could. They had been together for so long. He didn't know how to fight against someone with whom he had shared everything for years. There had never been a need to. He had always trusted the creature inside him to heal, not hurt, to give life, not death. They had loved and lost a woman together... a bond that transcends time.

It seemed ironic that the woman he wanted, needed, desired, would be the one to watch him die. He had seen her eyes, felt the torture she was going through, watching him fight the inevitable. He knew she had never been his to hold. That very first meeting, when they had sat in the sand, he had known. Even if she hadn't. There always was another one for her. There were advantages to sharing your body with a goa'uld. You tend to become more intuitive to the inner feelings of others. But she had reminded him of Jolinar... or was it that he had wanted her to remind him of Jolinar that she did?

He had been alive for many years... far beyond his time. Did he even remember his friends of the days gone by? The ones who decided against becoming hosts and sharing themselves for the rest of eternity? The only ones he still had, were those in the Tok'ra. And even they were passing into the realm of the unconscious. And Samantha. Theirs was a relationship that would always be platonic, there was no doubt on that. But being able to see Jolinar again... 

Even for just a little while.

There was a shift in his eyes, as the human found himself admitting defeat. In all those years with the Tok'ra, there had never been a time when he had given up hope that they would prevail against the enemies they faced. 

No, those were the feelings of the goa'uld inside him. Goa'ulds' had no sense of defeat, they could not fathom the idea that they would not get what they wanted. He couldn't help questioning... were any of his feelings his anymore? Had he, the human, given up on life long ago, and been sustained by the feelings of his companion, believing those feelings to be his?

The pain came as he gave up. It felt like a pit of fire was building inside him. The burning embers charring his flesh until he wanted to scream in terror. The hot glow of the orange flames searing through his limbs. So, this was what dying was like. He felt rather than saw his hand turning towards himself, awaiting that moment when agony would rock his body. The goa'uld were never ones to kill their enemies quickly. They rather enjoyed watching them suffer, a sick pleasure rising every time they emerged as winners.

He was slipping completely under the control of the mind-device, his eyes losing their brightness, clouding over, slipping under the persuasion of evil. There was one last moment of coherent thought. A thought that was his and his alone. Not that of a goa'uld's. Not that of the mind-control. But of simply the human. 

His eyes flicked around slightly, surveying the room, until they rested on Samantha. Beautiful Samantha. He could feel the connection between them, almost a transference of thoughts. He knew now what she had known all along. The reason she had kept him afar. He was not the one for her. He knew it now. All those years, he had needed companionship, someone who understood his loss, not a replacement for his love. No, the goa'uld might have his body and now, his mind, but Jolinar was the keeper of his soul. For now, for eternity.

He decided to share with her his last thoughts. He knew she would do it for him. That small part of her that was still Jolinar would feel it. There was still Jolinar inside her, and right now, the woman he loved was controlling Samantha's emotions. They had discussed this a long time ago, near the beginning of their relationship. Their lives were committed to the Tok'ra, making this an obvious possibility. Danger came part and parcel with the daily life of an operative. But the good outweighed the bad. At least to him. They had promised, no suffering. He had failed in his promise to her, but even in death, she managed to keep hers.

__

'Please kill me...'

There was nothing more. He felt himself falling into the abyss of darkness where he would cease to exist.

"Samantha..." 

THE END


End file.
